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I’m agnostic. So is God.

May 17, 2008

“I was an atheist, unless I realised I was God.” This t-shirt qoute made me think. And I hope others who have seen it have also realised it.

I am agnostic. Does that make me bad? Is praying to God all that matters in this world, the same world where religious fanatics kill innocent people in the name of God, those fanatics who pray five times a day and know every verse from the Holy Quran.

And yet I am held guilty of changing for the worse. That Pune has made me what I am. That till the days when I was within the boundaries my home had built I was thankful to the Almighty for all that I had, that I remembered to voice my love for Him. That I believed in Him.

Did I say that I don’t believe in Him? Is my faith in Him lacking?

Like every agnostic I believe that what I am today, it is because I have strived for it and toiled hard. One might say that God put you through tests and made me rock solid for tomorrow and as such I am successful today; for today what I want He provides. So where was He when I needed Him more than anything, the days when I prayed as if there’s no tomorrow. I’ve realised where I was wrong.

If God had actually planned our lives then I am writing what He wants. Is it so? Does He want people not to pray to Him? The universe unfolds according to some set rules. He initiated it; and left it to follow those rules. And so is everyone’s life. You do good, you get good. You do bad, you get bad.

I have worked very hard, faced many problems to pass on the congratulatory words to someone else instead of myself.

God is omnipresent. Is He so huge that He can cover the universe around? Or is it like a board game kept in front of Him? I’m sitting in front of my laptop yet can’t see the back of my screen. So can God then see all the sides of the universe, let alone the earth?

He is omnipresent because He is in our hearts. And He knows everything, because we know everything. He is a part of us, an entity that we have created to turn to for support when we’re broken, for help when we’re hopeless, for crying our hearts out when guilt eats us. And He is what we created to blame when we don’t get what we want, when something goes wrong which we thought would turn out to be amazing, we have become something we never dreamt of. More than we would turn to him when we’re happy, we would when we’re down. We need to blame someone for all that we don’t expect to happen. Just like we look for opportunities to blame the next person we see, we do so with God. He is our split personality. And it is then that one loses faith in God.

God is nothing more than a part of us. The day we start to believe in ourselves, everything that happens is good. And faith in God is revoked. God is a part of us.

And if God is a part of us, then He is our creation after all. Another masterpiece by the human mind. An art that we kneel down to. The greatest masterpieces of man. God.

No offence to anyone. It is an emotion of an individual combined with the motive of presenting the topic “God: A belief” at a college lecture.

[image courtesy:]

2 Comments leave one →
  1. usha89 permalink
    June 3, 2008 11:44 pm

    heyy…….evn i feel…that the presence of god cannot be proved..but m not an atheist… & i hve alwayz believed that there alwayz is sumone to whom u can turn to in ur tough times..i cannot say whether he’s mankind’s creation or we his… but one things tat u hve truly written is that he’s omnipresent & a part of us (in all our hearts… we alwayz remember him..). & who sayz that u can get closer to him only by praying or by goin to worshipping places…. as u said he’s in our hearts so jst remember him the way u see him… nice post….waiting to read more of ur posts 🙂

  2. October 10, 2008 8:07 pm


    An art that we kneel down to.

    I loved that line 🙂

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